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January 25th, 2006
12:33 am
This will probably be my last post for awhile. I even am possibly contemplating about putting this livejournal into retirement. It’s honestly just starting to bore me.
Those of you who read it faithfully and comment occasionally- thank you. Those of you who read it faithfully and refuse to comment are just plain, lazy assholes. But thanks anyway for the interest, I guess.
I haven’t gone on one of my “Agatha Rants” in quite sometime now. Maybe because during the course of the past 6 months, I’ve calmed down a lot. (Partially due to you-know-what.) But also, because I’m truly trying to rid myself of the stress that comes along with having a Type A Personality. I need to stop freaking out over minute details in life and just… chill.
Ya know?
But right now, at this very moment, I do NOT feeling like “chilling.” I feel like clenching my fists and screaming. And I’m going to effing tell you why.
Ready?
Ok, ready.
So, through life, I’ve come across MANY people that pride themselves in being “good listeners.” It seems, one of the first positive attributes someone uses to describe themselves is, “Oh, yeah. I’m a greaaat listener.” And these certain people have declared this so many times, that I think they’ve actually began to believe that they are. They have convinced themselves that they truly are a spectacular friend- such a spectacular friend, that people would JUMP at the chance at getting to know them.
WRONG.
Let me ask you a list of questions, and why don’t you sit there and mentally answer them to yourself. Hopefully, you’ll come to a conclusion on how you treat the people around you.
1. Do you ask your friends questions about their lives? Ya know, about their goals, their interests, what they did that day? Or do you call them solely for the purpose of blabbing away about your own personal stories, using them as a source to hear yourself talk?
2. Do you even KNOW what’s going on in the lives of the people you call “close”?
3. When listening to your friend tell a story about something important to them, do you change the subject around onto YOURSELF? And then continue to run your sorry ass mouth for the next 2 hrs?
4. Do you answer with ignorant, one word answers when a friend has confided something personal to you?
5. Do you give advice in the following way: “Yeah, well this is what I would have done…” and then proceed to go into a rant about what exactly your actions would have been, completely ignoring the fact that your FRIEND HAS A PROBLEM? (I don’t give two shits what you would do in my situation. Congratulations on getting the subject back onto yourself.)
Ok, I need to stop now. But you get my point. I’m SICK of being people’s personal psychiatrists when they could give two flying fucks about what is going on in my life. The extravagant pity parties I host for you- OVER.
I should have been at least getting paid to listen to you talk.
This whole thing is coming out a lot more bitchy than I intended, so I apologize. But really, no I don’t. Don’t walk all over someone and take their patience and kind words for granted. Friendship is about give and take.
And you’re not taking anymore of my time. I'm slowly going to filter these people out of my life.
Because I’ve found that there’s a difference between my friends and my “patients”.
My friends listen.
My “patients” just hear.
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January 23rd, 2006
01:04 am - Quick survey, thanks.
Yeah,
I know I've been slacking with my updates. Mainly because I've been diagnosed with the Myspace disease. Yes, I've joined the cult and no, I hate it. (That's a lie, I effing love everything about it.)
But anyways,
I have some great opportunities opening up right now in my life, and as much as I wish to sit here and blab about them and tell you what possibly could be in store for me in the near future...
I can't.
Because I'm tired and "not in the mood."
But listen, there's a reason for this boring post-
I'm taking a survey.
A close friend and I got into a little disagreement tonight. You might even call it a "scuffle."
And as our disagreement on the certain topic heightened, I decided I would take a quick poll of the public, and figure out what YOUR opinion is on this matter.
What do you find to be more disgusting?
A) Kissing someone with flaking, chapped chips? ("Basically, eating their lips.") I'm sorry, that last comment was repulsive, I apologize.
or
B) Throwing up in your mouth a little bit and then having to swallow it? (Not just liquid vomit, either. I'm talking some solids here.)
All responses will be held strictly confidential if you don't wish to submit your name.
I appreciate it! Thanks guys.
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January 8th, 2006
05:53 pm - First entry of 2006, oh my gah!
So my business classes are beginning to make me feel like I'm going into the devil's line of work.
No, seriously.
It seems the only key points these classes are driving into my brain are, "Efficient ways to scam consumers into buying things they don't need."
And I know, that's essentially what business is centered around. And learning how to be a profitable "salesperson" is what molded America into the striving, capitalist country that it is.
But I honestly don't think I'm cut out for this kind of career. Being a successful businesswoman involves having a sort of ruthless, aggressive, "Won't take no for an answer" personality. I don't have that.
I feel guilty just trying to sell an old man a bag of too-fucking-expensive coffee. I don't want to spend my life scheming of ways to steal money from innocent consumers, who don't know any better.
I want to have a career where I make a POSITIVE impact on people's lives.
And yet, at the same time, I want to innovate ideas and visual plans for companies to help promote their products. It's something that has always interested me. I guess design is the only element in business that I love.
What am I doing? I don't even know anymore.
I need to switch majors. This smart boy gave me advice to switch to a broader major- Communications. And minor in Marketing. Maybe I'll look into that, because I have a strong feeling I'm on the wrong path.
ANYWAYS.
Hope everyone had a kickass New Years!
I can't believe it's already 2006. When I used to think about the future, back when I was a lil tike, I thought we'd have robot housekeepers by now.
K.
I guess I'm going- bye ya'll.
PS OH yeah! And I saw Brokeback Mountain! One of the most beautiful on-screen love stories I have ever seen. I think everyone should go see that movie at least once in their lives. It could open up a lot of ignorant people's eyes.
PPS Oh, and one more thing. So let's just say- hypothetically speaking- that you were a 20 year old girl. Ok? And let's just say that an older man (by older, I mean...ya know, early 30s. I'm not talking senior citizen age, dammit) asked you out on a date.
Just to dinner.
And he had a very genuine and likable personality.
And you truly knew he didn't have any bad intentions.
AND let's just say that you were actually 20 1/2 years old, which means you're basically 21.
Would you do it? Just to test it out?
I'm asking this question for a friend...
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December 29th, 2005
10:35 pm
There’s this customer that comes into my Starbucks almost daily. Always orders a sugar free vanilla, nonfat, no foam latte. She’s in her mid 30s and works at Saks Fifth Avenue, downstairs. And over the past 2 years of being her “coffee bartender”, I feel like I’ve gotten to know her on a fairly in-depth level.
And for some reason, I have always admired her. She carries herself with such natural grace and elegance. Head held high, shoulders back. And I always think to myself, “When I get older, and become a mom, I want to project that image. An image of confidence and swan-like composure.”
I won’t be the typical “frumpy” mother, who is busy being hassled by her spoiled, un-restricted children. I’ll be organized and calm and serene.
But then, today, my portrayal of this woman shattered. It made me realize, yet again, that what you see isn’t necessarily what you get.
This afternoon, I witnessed her be horribly rude and “diva-like” to another customer in line. Let me tell you this story real quick-
An older lady was standing in line, behind Mrs. Saks. You could tell this customer was a “newby” to Starbucks, because she was standing there, staring in mass confusion at the drink boards. And as I noticed this, I began anticipating a highly annoying conversation with her; one in which would entail having to explain every damn drink- in explicit detail.
But anyways, so she wanders up to the register, accidentally but blatantly cutting in front of Mrs. Saks.
Mrs. Saks is in mid-conversation with her co-worker, when she notices. All of a sudden, she brings the conversation to an abrupt halt, and rudely snaps, “Yeah, actually, I was next!” outloud. The older lady turns around, apologizing. And Mrs. Saks barks at her, “Yeah, I don‘t need a ‘sorry’. I just need you to step aside so I can order my drink and not stand here all day!”
And the older lady stepped aside, a hushed look of embarrassment crossing her face.
And my heart broke at the sight. I just wanted to scream to her, “Don’t let that woman talk to you that way! Don’t let her intimidate you!”
But I kept my silent shouts to myself.
And Mrs. Saks ordered her drink.
And then walked away with her co-worker, proceeding to criticize how “atrocious” she thought that lady’s coat had been.
Cruel. Cold. Insensitive.
I guess her good looks are her only blessing. Because, come to find out, her personality is that of an uncompassionate, stuck-up bitch. What bad karma. Her attitude is gonna come back and really bite her on the ass one day.
And now, instead of envying Mrs. Saks’ two little kids- I pity them. What a terrible mother to have.
I’d rather be frumpy.
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December 19th, 2005
09:43 pm - Oh, livejournal surveys. How I love thee.
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Got a facial piercing.
Enjoyed and became interested in hard rock bands from the 70s.
Went to a gay bar.
Threw a huge, chaotic party.
Watched my lil bro graduate from high school.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My resolution was to quit smoking.
And I quit for 8 days. So, kinda.
And yes, I’m making another. This time, it’ll be – Quit smoking for 365 days.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.
5. What countries did you visit?
Blah, none of any interest. (Canada)
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Hmmm… good question. Organization and an internship.
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 16, 2005 because that’s when I saw Matt again for the first time after Iraq.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Becoming a stronger and more confident individual after a very tough loss of a first love.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not receiving a scholarship I worked my ass off to apply for.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope. :)
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A subscription to Newsweek. I don’t know, I’m a dork and I can’t think of anything else worth listing.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Supporters and donaters of hurricane relief.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
This one boy’s.
And George W’s.
Sometimes my own.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Tuition. Books. And miscellaneous shit that isn’t good for my health.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Spring break in Miami.
His homecoming arrival.
My birthday.
16. Whose music will always remind you of 2005?
Bob Marley
Hendrix
Kanye to the West
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier!
ii. thinner or fatter? the same
iii. richer or poorer? poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Studied (NOT crammed.) Spent more time with the fam.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sulked in my world of bitterness and anger (just a quick phase!)
Smoked (both.)
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my mom, dad and bro.
At home.
Ya know, the usual.
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Nope.
23. How many one-night stands?
A big whopping zero.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Eh, I kinda stopped watching TV this year. But I definitely enjoyed Aqua Teen Hunger Force (yeah!!!) and I loved hating Laguna Beach.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hm. I don’t hate anyone anymore. It’s too tiresome and not worth it.
26. What was the best book you read?
This year? Probably The Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown- when I realized I was the only person in the tri-county that hadn’t cracked it open.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The K-Os!!!!!!
Best underground hip hop I've heard in awhile.
28. What did you want and get?
Discovery of myself.
A stronger vision of my future.
Good grades.
29. What did you want and not get?
A lasting relationship.
Several G’s.
A new car.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Did Closer come out this year or 2004?
I think 2004. So… probably The 40 Year Old Virgin because I nearly urinated my pants during it.
I reeeaalllly wanna see Brokeback Mountain, though!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Canada, because what else is there for a 20 year old to do?
And spent the night being stuck at Bentleys and getting wasted off jager bombs.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Ugh, this answer is beginning to get a little redundant… but me and him NOT becoming a disaster. (I've moved on, though. Everything happens for a reason.)
And owning a new car, fo sho.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
The same as it’s always been.
34. What kept you sane?
My parents. Marly Farris. Writing in my personal journal.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Simon Rex simply for his looks.
John McCain simply for his intelligence and integrity.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The elections in Iraq, which evoked a rigid sense of fear in me. (Not because I gave two shits on the outcome of the polls, but because it was one of the most dangerous periods for soldiers this year.)
37. Who do you miss the most?
Hm. I miss lots of people! To name a few-
Basan. Alyssa. Marc. Emilia. Matt.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Brent. Chelsea. Andrew (Boo). Jeff. (Or should I say, re-met.)
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
“The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.” – Well, I guess my ignorance has decreased a notch!
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
It's funny how life can go
First you ride high then you might lay low
Don't get high off your own supply
Some will set foot before a fall comes by
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December 16th, 2005
12:43 am - I miss Santa Claus! Wahhh!!!
Remember how it felt, back in the olden days of the 1990s, when Christmas time rolled around?
When you would write a very obnoxiously long and extensive list to Santa, begging him for all the current toys and books you NEEDED?
And you just knew the world would end if you didn't receive them?
And then when the anticipated day arrived, the day you could finally rip open that stack of presents in a way that almost resembled a hyena ravaging its prey, you nearly peed your pants from pure joy at the sight of your brand new Barbie convertible?
And then you drove it around the floors of your house all night long, cramming as many of your Barbies into it as possible, even when half of the Barbies were being dragged behind the actual vehicle?
And then telling yourself, during this dangerously crazy Barbie road trip, "One day, when I'm big...I'm gonna have a pink corvette just like this one."
Well, yeah.
I kinda miss those days of innocence, ya know? I really wish that childish excitement still existed as we aged into maturity. Nowadays, you probably find yourself wondering, "What do I want for Christmas? I can't really think of a single thing." Hmm. At least I can't.
I know I don't want a pink corvette anymore, though.
Actually, if you're interested in purchasing a gift for me, I've suddenly realized what I want.
That's it, though. Seriously. Just that car. And it's a hybrid! Which means it will improve the fuel economy and be Earth friendly. (Preferably in white. With some 22 inch dubbz. And a few 10 inch sub woofers. And a couple of plasma TVs, gangsta style.)
Thankssssss.
No, but for serious- does anyone wanna go skiing with me sometime soon? WTF, mate- I wanna be productive with this snow situation before it's gone- and we're back to the burning heat of summer. Let me know!
Ok, so one last thing-
I don't know what to make of this situation: One of the new employees at Starbucks has finally began to open up to all of us, which is relieving because I was starting to think he was a mute- but no, he's not. He is actually a very kind-hearted and funny boy. But anyways, he confessed to me that when he first met me, I came off as a highly abrasive girl. And he was scared.
I know he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings; it was just a blunt, honest comment. But it made me wonder if I need to calm down when meeting new people. Maybe not be so obnoxious and in-your-face and, "Hey! My names Agatha! Where are you from?! How old are you?! I demand to hear your life story RIGHT NOW!!!"
K, for reals yo. I'm off to bed.
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December 8th, 2005
12:37 pm
HELP!!!!!!!
You! Yes, you! Do you know anything about computers? No? OK, well you’re of absolutely no assistance to me.
But seriously- who knows how to re-configure a hard drive on a laptop? I effed something up big time, and all of a sudden my drive isn’t working. Not detecting any DVD-RWs… or any disc at all, for that matter.
Apparently my computer engineering class last year taught me a whole bunch of jack shit because I’m as computer illiterate as ever. Soooo if you can help me, that’d be greeeeeeaaaaat.
Moving on:
My hair is short now. Jess cut off a whopping (yes, whopping) 4-5 inches. I kind of feel/look like an 8 year old school girl again. Eh, maybe not 8. But no older than 12, for sure.
So I stepped into my dreadful accounting class for the last time this morning to take my final. And I must admit- I’m feeling pretty damn confident in my performance. And if I scored an 80% or higher, I think I may just possibly 3.0 the class. How I accomplished this feat, I have no idea. But maybe accounting isn’t really the devil. Or maybe I’m just an effing genius.
I can not wait until Friday! Friday = the start of Christmas break.
Hail Yes!!!!!!!
To-Do List-- Christmas Vacation 200Five:
1. Hardcore sledding.
2. Softcore sledding.
3. Build a snow woman.
4. Make-out with someone passionately in the snow.
5. ….Ok, this list is getting pretty damn stupid. For serious- I need to start applying for job internships.
6. Start/Finish my Christmas shopping. (Let’s be honest for 3.65 seconds- we all know I’m not gonna start until probably 24 hrs prior to the holiday.)
7. Begin working full-time again at S’bux.
By the way, if anyone is interested in donating toys to hospitalized kids (up to 21 years of age), please bring some unwrapped gifts to Somerset South Starbucks. We’d appreciate anything- from CDs to books to board games. These kids spend their holidays in hospital beds, surrounded by the unfamiliarity of bare walls and strangers. A simple gesture of kindness could really help bring a light of hope into their lives. We’re trying to beat our goal of 1,000 toys- and with your help, we can do it!
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November 30th, 2005
04:30 pm - Pothead? No. More like weed connoisseur.
That one boy is being shipped “over there” today. For the second time. And I thought I had accepted this fact- I thought I would hold up better this time around. But reality set in last night.
And along with reality came an aching heart and the feeling of just wanting to curl up into a tiny ball and cry and cry. I feel the pure fear starting to settle into the depths of my stomach. Ya know, the kind of bitter fear you can actually taste. And my anxiety is about to sky-rocket. And I know that for the next 7 months I’ll constantly obsess over his well-being and safety. And I really wish it didn’t have to be this way.
But let’s be serious. I can’t curl up into a tiny ball and cry, because that would be a weak thing to do. A pointless and weak thing to do. So instead, I’m going to try and act like a grown-up, and be really strong and wise. And I’m gonna say things like, “I have faith he’ll return home again”, instead of, “I’m scared shitless, someone do something now!!!!”
To put this in the simplest of terms- war sucks. Horribly. Excruciatingly. Man is its own worse enemy.
…I say, as a remedy against world battle, how about everyone just indulge in the greatness of marijuana? Seriously. I don’t care what the commercials say about staying “over the influence”- if Saddam Hussein had been accustomed to smoking some herb during his two decades of reign, I HIGHLY doubt ("highly", get it? haha) that he would have been capable of devastating Iraq to the degree that it is in now. It would have been all about laughs and peace. And maybe some absurdly long, babbling speeches about how cool it would be to fly. But what's the harm in talking about flying? Better than talking about blowing up your neighboring countries.
Coulda been:
And look where he ended up:
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November 25th, 2005
01:32 pm
Just in case you hadn’t realized, yesterday was Thanksgiving. And this holiday was highly joyous for me, because it consisted of my two favorite activities:
-eating
-napping
I loved every second of it.
Ya know, some people are so oblivious to how fortunate they are. Instead of sitting back and giving a simple ’thanks’ to the positives in their lives, they complain endlessly about why life isn’t perfect.
Everyone has hardships and trials to get through in life, and I know, some may have it a little tougher than others, but it’s how you get through those times that defines who you are. Be the change that you want to see in others.
I’m thankful for many things this year, and instead of boring you with extensive, detailed descriptions, I’ll just name a few:
-My supportive family. It’s kind of crazy how the older you get, the more you can relate to your parents. I regret all the stress I caused them during my “rambunctious” years because when it comes down to it- they were just worried I’d follow the wrong path.
-My closest friends. We quarrel. We fight. We’re like family and I love you all.
-My ability to forgive. You can’t allow hatred to consume your life. Learn to forgive, but not necessarily forget. Sometimes people don’t intentionally set out to hurt you, it just works out that way and there’s nothing you can do to reverse time. Accepting whole-hearted apologies is one of the most mature things a person can do.
-Puppies. Let’s be serious, without them, this world would crumble.
Ok, moving on to a verrrrrry chaotic subject:
Today is Black Friday, and oh my gahhh. I have to work in 3 hours. Or should I say, I have to step into a nightmarish hell in 3 hours.
A hell that consists of rich raging soccer moms, searching for the perfect pair of snakeskin boots for their 3 year old daughters. And men with manicured nails, screeching like hyenas that their coffees taste “bitter”. And little teenage boys, trying to convince me to give them a free drink, when all I want to do is pour scalding milk over their bleached blonde hair!!!
Aghh!!!! Somerset shoppers will one day be the demise of me!
Wish me luck. A lot of it. Cuz I’ll need it to stay sane.
PS And stay home today, there’s truly no reason to step foot into a mall. Yeah, maybe you’ll save $20, but is $20 really worth the possibility of getting trampled on by a herd of crazy shoppers?
- The answer is no, dumbass.
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November 15th, 2005
01:21 pm - "I was blind. With crystal clear eyes."
Have you ever heard of narration using the technique ‘stream of consciousness?’ It’s basically telling a story in a continuous, uninterrupted flow of thoughts. (In other words, babbling away anything that comes to mind.)
And that’s what I’m about to do. I’m not putting any real thought into this entry, because sadly, my creative juices are going through a drought right now. Most likely this drought is due to accounting. (I’ll blame anything and everything on accounting, just because I fucking hate it.) So disregard this jamble, because I’m going on 2 hours of sleep and miiiiiight be slightly delusional.
Let’s get something cleared up real quick-
November sucks. The trees are no longer gripped with beautiful reds and oranges (but rather, stand bare and lonely), it’s getting deathly cold but there’s no snow, and school work is in overload mode. If your birthday is in November, I kind of feel bad for you. And I kind of know you’re jealous that mine is in July. And I kind of feel like I might offend people by that comment. But I kind of don’t care right now.
You know what reeeeeeaaallllly “grinds my gears”? Babies.
Yeah, I’m evil.
I mean, they’re ok most of the time. And I’ll admit, they’re cute. Especially Asian babies; those are the cutest. But seriously, stop bringing them to the mall. There’s no valid reason why you should bring your infant to Somerset. All it’s going to do is cry endlessly inside that $2,000 luxurious stroller and vomit the milk you force fed it into drinking. (I keep calling them “it”, like they’re not human beings, ahhh! Hahaha.)
The hectic Christmas shopping season has officially inaugurated, and it’s bad enough that I have to deal with adults crying about their lattes not being “hot enough.” I don’t need to hear the piercing shrieks of their kids, on top of it.
Kids? No, more like mini demons.
Wanna know what I did for the first time this Friday?
No?
C’monnnnn. Yeahhhhhhh you do!
I attended my first wedding. (I know, living under a rock is beginning to get a lil old.)
It was a lot of fun. Partially due to the many Sex on the Beaches I consumed and then partially due to the fact I helped my date DJ it. Basically, I was bumping that hall with hot new remixes all night.
That’s a lie. All I did was take requests. But it still was a reeeeeal good time.
What else did I do this weekend?
Well, I said goodbye to a dear friend.
Again.
Who is this friend, you ask? It’s Matt. He was deployed home for a short 2 weeks and now he’s back at his base, anticipating round #2 in Iraq. I’m scared. But also confident that he will have a safe return.
My prayers are with him. Hopefully, some of yours are too.
I fully understand that his craziness and my weirdness makes a dysfunctional combination. But it looks like we’re going to continue holding onto this (whatever it is) and we’re choosing friendship as the best alternative. And I’m happy with that. Because I think that might just be exactly how it was intended to unfold.
That’s all for now.
G’bye junior!
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November 7th, 2005
01:06 am
Hello junior. This update is very belated. But honessssstly, my life has gradually transformed into a constant cycle of work and school- so not too much to jamble about, ya know?
On my way to the S'bux meeting today, I was in a near fatal accident. Minus the "near fatal" part. But the broad driving in front of me came to a screeching halt in the middle of the road in a desperate attempt to avoid hitting a dog. The dog was hit, nonetheless...
She pulls over onto the curb and I cautiously follow behind her, anxious and frightened, hoping something can be done so as not to leave the doggie near the road, dying.
She walks up to me, and the first thing she blurts out of her insensitive, uncompassionate mouth is, "Don't worry, my car is not damaged."
I stared at her in shock. She was only worried about her fucking POS Neon?
How could she not feel any remorse for a living creature she had just so casually hit? Did she not hear the dog's painful squeal, just as she had hit its torso? Apparently not, because she hurried back to her car, not even bothering to search for the dog.
And as she pealed off, I spent the next 10 minutes trying to find the injured pup- but found nothing. When have people become so emotionless? Why does it seem feelings of remorse and compassion are fading in society? It was so depressing to see first-hand how utterly detached and...robotic people become when faced with a situation like this. It's sad and it's sick.
And that's all I have to say about the decay of mankind for now.
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On some lighter, more random notes:
-My ear is bleeding. Yeah, I don't know. Does that mean my ear drum exploded?
-I miss the feeling of genuinely liking someone and feeling butterflies. Those damn butterflies have been long gone, and I don't know how to get them back. I think I permanently killed them all.
-Oh my gah, it's time to start searching for job internships!
-Aaaaaand last but certainly not least, Drea Bia at her finest:
I love you Andrea!
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October 25th, 2005
01:29 am
Men with manicured nails. How do you feel about that? Do you find that attractive?
Because yeah, I’ll be the first to admit that I seem to have a weird fetish with hands. But everyone is so quick to assume that I must like men that paint their nails with clear nail polish and moisturize hourly.
NO. Sweet Jesus, no.
I wasn’t aware of how huge of a turn-off this was until the other day at work. (And so… the story unfolds.)
A very attractive man stepped into Starbucks that day. He kind of resembled the actor Simon Rex ,(whom will always have a piece of my heart), and as my eyes landed on him, I went into a mild hysteria. After I was finally sedated, my co-workers pushed me towards the register- which therefore allowed me to be the lucky barista to ring his fii-iine ass up.
Needless to say... I was ecstatic. But I sauntered over to the register, playing it “cool.”
As he approached, I mentally rehearsed what I was going to say to him. “Hello sir. What can I get for you?” Or maybe (to be a little sassy and bold) I could ask, “Hi there! Have you tried our Gold Coast coffee?”
I decided to be sassy and bold.
So I asked him if he wanted to try our Gold Coast. And he did! Which basically re-established the fact that the two of us were meant to be together.
But all romantic love stories usually come to an end. And the end is near with this one.
As I am handing him his $3.20 in change, I throw a peak at his hands. To my utter shock, he reaches out a hand that basically resembles:
I know you must think that’s an outrageous exaggeration… and yes. It is.
But either way, his hands looked like they belonged to Cindy Crawford.
Ughhh. Sick.
I was appalled.
His hand looked more feminine than mine. I think I threw up a little in my mouth at this disgusting sight. What a waste of a guy, I thought.
You’re probably asking yourself what the moral or even point to this ridiculous story is. Well, dumbass, I’ll tell you what it is if you haven’t figured it out already:
If you are a boy,
-Please do not paint your finger nails.
-Don’t grow them out.
-And most importantly, don’t wear shimmery lotion.
Please?
You were not meant to live life this way.
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October 18th, 2005
02:07 am - Accounting? No, more like Pure Hell.
Oh, man.
I did it again.
And by "it", I mean overdosed on some caffeine.
And the reason I consumed the outrageous level of coffee that I did tonight was to study for my accounting exam.
But I've been studying for 4 straight hours, so if I continue staring at these pages filled with endless jamble (I made this word up), then I will literally go looney.
And by looney, I mean bonkers.
I'm distressed about several things right now. So I will number my distresses in chronological order from most important to least important. And it's up to YOU if you want to read them. Because let's be serious for a moment: my current distresses are reeeeeaaallly kind of mundane.
1. My heart is beating at an astonishingly rapid rate and it's making me slightly fearful that a heart attack is on its way. Maybe if I'm granted a sudden heart attack I'll be able to get out of my exam tomorrow. Hmmm...
2. And yeah, I fucking hate accounting. I can't stress that enough. I need classes to build my creativity, not completely destroy it. And destroying my creativity is exactly what accounting is intent on doing.
3. I have come to the realization that I'm really bad at "following through" with goals. It's like I'll have a revelation and know what I have to do to get my life on the path for success and good health... and I'll get the ball rolling. The ball will roll for a good two weeks. Sometimes it'll even roll for longer than that, when I'm really determined.
But then, all of a sudden, it's like I deflate the ball.
4. The only emotion he evokes from me now is anger. It used to be a mixture of every emotion; mostly just happiness. Now a simple conversation with him leaves me pissed off and ready to punch the living hell out of a pillow. This friendship we are trying to maintain is dysfunctional in every way possible. What are we doing to ourselves?
5. I'm learning more and more in my classes that knowing a second language is a huge advantage in the business world. In the past 10 years, my Polish has basically gone down the shithole, and I'm really saddened by this fact. I want to be able to speak fluently, like I did back in the day.
I remember in elementary school, when I had an embarrassing accent, I told myself, "You're gonna learn this fucking English language, and one day, you'll speak it better than half of the kids who were born speaking it." (Exclude the 'fucking' part.)
And now it's difficult for me to even maintain a conversation in Polish with my parents, because I have fully "Americanized." The irony of it all...
Wish me luck on my exam, I'm hitting the sheets. (That means I'm going to sleep.) Although I doubt sleep is anywhere in my near future due to all those cups of Starbucks Breakfast Blend coffee.
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October 13th, 2005
10:57 pm
Dear my lovely Elite ladies,
I came across a little list of “facts” describing girls that have consumed one too many alcoholic beverages. As I was laughing uncontrollably, I realized that many of the statements reminded me of one of you. So, I decided to dedicate this next entry to the 8 of us.
1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is. -- I think this first one applies to all of us.
2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead, wiggling my butt, and yelling, “Woo Hoo!” is truly the sexiest dance move around. -- Andrea, Drea Bia! (I know you’ve all seen her do this.)
3. I’ve suddenly decided I want to kick someone’s ass, and honestly believe I can do it, too. -- Me. And Marly has my back. And vice versa. Tag team it! (Let’s be serious, though. I reeeaaaally would never physically attack someone.)
4. In my last trip to pee, I realize I now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess I was just four hours ago. -- Hahahah, sadly this describes us all.
5. I drop my 3:00am sub sandwich on the floor (which I’m eating even though I’m not in the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it. -- Me. And Erica. When drunk, we are basically food nazis.
6. I start crying and telling everyone that I see how I love them sooooo much. -- Holly Bolly. And Drea Bia.
7. I’ve suddenly found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me. -- Andrea. You find the looniest people attractive.
8. The man I’m flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher. -- ERICA! LMAO
9. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming. -- Hmm… I can’t really imagine any of us stripping publicly. However, Amanda demands to karaoke when drunk. Even when she can’t stand.
11. My eyes don’t want to stay open on their own, so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy. -- ANV and Mandy for sure.
12. I’ve suddenly taken up smoking and have become really good at it. -- Smoking what? :)
13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by just giving me lemonade, but that’s just because I can no longer taste the gin. -- The MSU drunks, Mands and Drea. I’ve witnessed this happen with my own eyes.
14. I think I’m in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor. -- Hasn’t someone fallen asleep at Bentley’s before? Who was it- Holly?
15. I start every conversation with a booming, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” -- Lindsay R’chuk!
16. I fail to notice that the toilet seat lid is down when I sit on it. -- No one has done this to my knowledge, but I can definitely see Andrea pulling this one. Hahahahaha
17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves. -- MARLY.
18. I’m tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap. -- Well, Linds likes to get ready for bed time in the middle of a party, so I guess she’ll win this one.
19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my pants to cut down on the time I’m in the bathroom, away from my drink. -- Ok, I’ve seen every single one of you unbuttoning your pants before you’re even near a stall. Shit, half the time we don’t even USE bathrooms. Pop a squat! Hahahhahahah, ahhh- I’m totally embarrassing the hell out of us. I apologize.
20. I take my shoes off because I believe it’s their fault that I’m having problems walking straight. -- MANDY HENTKOWSKI.
I <3 you, girls!
Sincerely,
Ags
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October 5th, 2005
12:15 am - Aqua Teen Hunger Force. You rock.
Why is this show so mothereffing hilarious?! Oh my Lord. I can feeeeeel my brain cells deteriorating while I watch this nonsense, however...yeah, I can't help but to get some crazy childish kick out of it.
What loooony bag came up with the concept of personifying a fast food meal? Genius!
And how come Frylock just floats around? Why didn't they give him legs? Weeiirrd.
Does anyone understand what Meatwad is saying half of the time? Me neither.
Meatwad: "Wow, he's learning English really fast. It took me forever, and me still don't does it right, does me?" (Under breath)"...Do me? Don't me?"
hahahhahaha.
I hate cartoons. Out of all cartoons to get addicted to, why this? Why them?
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September 27th, 2005
10:17 pm - WTF, mate?
How do you know when you're "out of love"? Is it something that just unconsciously happens over time? Or can you force your heart to destroy those feelings, because your brain is screaming that it's the smarter action to take in the long run?
I don't know exactly what I did to "fall out", but whatever it was- it worked. Well, I liked to think it worked until I did something really stupid today.
I was cleaning out my closet (which is a process that will undoubtedly take several weeks, at the least- When did I turn into a pack-rat?), when I came across a hidden box (an intentionally hidden box) full of little momentos and memories I collected with a certain boy. Not only had these memories sat packaged away in my closet, but they had also been dutifully locked away in a corner of my mind- where I had decided to permanently keep them. But when I stumbled across this little remembrance box, my curiosity took over. I then decided against my better judgement and opened that dumb fucking thing riiiiiight up.
There wasn't anything really interesting in it- nothing you would even care to know. Plane ticket stubs, some funny pictures. I wasn't sad looking at these relatively meaningless objects. Yes, they hold memories that are still dear to me, but the memories have become hazy and hard to remember in colorful detail. Ya know? Kind of like a dream. So as I was wistfully sorting through the contents, I didn't feel anything except a sort of melancholy reminscence.
Then shit hit the fan. I noticed a folded piece of paper wedged between envelopes. I was carefully unfolding it when I realized what it was. Too late to stop, though- and I began to read the familiar words I used to know so well. It was the poem he had written me right before he had left for Iraq over a year ago; it was something I should have left hidden safely in the comfortable darkness of my closet. But instead, I sat there allowing myself to remember someone I used to love very, very much.
And it made me cry. Not a lot, but a little, tiny bit.
Why? I don't know. It seems I'm really good at figuring out other people's emotions and I suck at interpreting my own.
And now I write this annoyingly dumb entry (which is unlike me, because I rarely publicly document my personal feelings regarding subjects like this) and I wonder why those lines brought me to tears.
That dumb fucking box.
I should burn it- but I know I won't. I guess hazy, intangible memories are better than nothing at all.
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September 21st, 2005
02:12 am - The Law of Nature
Karma is a bitch.
Ya know the whole, “What goes around, comes around” idea? I truly believe it's the Law of Nature and I have a personal story to share with you that’ll prove my point.
It all begins two nights ago. I'm on my nightly run (I’ve started working out and eating healthier… don’t ask. I guess I had a revelation) and jogging at a medium pace down 19 mile. The moon is out and there's a slight odor of skunk in the air, which makes me feel like I'm inhaling poison with every breath. (I guess that’s irrelevant, but I’m just trying to paint a vivid mental scenario of this unfolding story.)
I notice a huddle of geese in front of me, about 11.2 yards away. They seem to have a little congregated party going on near the sidewalk, and I find this to be a little odd because it’s about 10:30PM. They‘re squawking really loud. Ya know, just generally being obnoxious and out of control. “Why the fuck aren’t they sleeping yet?” I wonder to myself, as I continue towards them, becoming slightly apprehensive.
So as I begin approaching the fiesta, I notice the “leader” of the pack glaring at me, menacingly. All of a sudden the cute, innocent goose:
Turns into an aggressive predator:
I pass the goose party and the leader, as if on cue, makes several highly violent snapping motions at me (basically letting me know, “Shit, you don't scare me. I'll eff you up!”) and then begins charging at me. (Yes, charging, just like a fucking buffalo.) He literally sprints behind me for about 2 seconds straight. And I know what you’re asking outloud- “What did Agatha do at this point? Did she kick that goose‘s ass?”
Well, no.
I basically increased my medium jog to the speed of a full grown stallion horse and sprinted the hell out of there.
Aaaaand to make a short story, shorter- This morning, on my way to school, guess what I spot in the middle of 19 mile?
A DEAD goose.
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANNA BET THAT THIS IS THE BITCH THAT TRIED ATTACKING ME?
I’ll put money on it! Dumb shit. What goes around, comes around, sucker!
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September 14th, 2005
01:22 am - WHY THE FLYING EFF AM I STILL AWAKE?
Well, I got "tagged" by Andy. (Or shall I say "Boo Boo".) So here are 20 very random, and very interesting thoughts of mine that I know you're absolutely dying to read:
1. My classes are the shit.
2. Wow, so I just totally started off this entry with a lie. Truthfully- my accounting class is going to kick my ass. (Haha, that rhymed!) And by kick my ass, I mean literally drop kick me into a pile of shit. And then back hand me a few times. Also, Microeconomics sucks some serious balls. But not as much balls as Accounting.
3. Business Writing will be the highlight of my semester.
4. I fucking love croissants.
5. I'm down from a pack of cigarettes a day (I know, I know, that's basically suicide) to a pack a week. I'm seriously trying to quit this time, people. Nicotine addiction is the devil.
6. My sleeping patterns are so effed up that I think I was meant to be a bat and live in a cave. I'm nocturnal and the only time I seem to be able to fall asleep peacefully is in the afternoon. It's currently 1:30am, and I'm annoyingly hyper.
7. This past weekend I met a family that has incest written all over it. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little from the memory, so totally won't go into detail.
8. Starbucks needs to start giving me less hours or I am going to throw a serious tantrum. A tantrum filled with stomping feet and hysterical crying.
9. I loooooove the Jimmy John's delivery boy. Starbucks and Jimmy Johns has now officially started bartering with each other- so if this means I'll get to see more of Mr. JJ, then sweet Jesus, I'm in! Hahahah
10. Speaking of boys... actually, no. Nevermind, I don't feel like getting into that one.
11. I just re-read #9, and I'm in shock over the fact that I actually wrote "sweet Jesus". I don't even use that phrase in real life, so where in God's name did that come from? (Sweet Jesus...Where in God's name...hahhaa, get it? Get it? It's a pun, you dumbass.)
12. Mary Jane-- I miss you, you bitch!!!!
13. Speaking of missing... Lisa Vrazo, I miss you!!! (Minus the 'bitch' part.)
14. I reaaaaaallllly wanna go to Acapulco this Spring Break- Drea Bia, we're all counting on you to figure this situation out! Don't let us down.
15. I can't really pinpoint when I finally became happy again without him, but I can now honestly say that I am. The anger has faded. The sadness has dwindled into nothing. I'm stronger than before.
16. A word of advice to all girls- don't let your positivity and happiness depend on the actions of a guy. I know it's easier said than done, but seriously- if you can't be happy by yourself, then it's time to re-evaluate your life.
17. I'm broke as a joke. No joke.
18. Although I despise George W, I'm becoming impatient and annoyed with all the attacks towards him as being the "cause" of the chaos down south in Louisiana. It's pretty ignorant to say Bush sat back, perfectly aware of the mass destruction happening in New Orleans, and thought, "Eh. They're just poor, black people. I'll let the majority die off before I send some aid." He's a dumb president, but he's not evil. At least I'd like to hope not...
19. There's a huge difference between people who ARE unique and interesting and people who TRY to be unique and interesting. Laa-ame.
20. In conclusion- I hate hot dogs.
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September 8th, 2005
12:13 am - Road Rage 2005
Ok, let me ask you something.
Why is it that all Indian drivers cruise at an average speed of 15 mph on the road? (This is including expressways.) Is this common habit inscripted into their genes, hence making them genetically encoded to drive at the same speed I can crawl? Or do they move this slow to purposely anger me, causing me to show them my festive finger dance. (And no, my finger dance doesn't involve a thumbs up. Not even a thumbs down.)
Aaaaaand I know you hate me right now, because I'm stereotyping Indians as being slow drivers, and I'm being mean and grouchy and road ragey.
But shhhhhhove itttttttt.
When a speed limit says 45, you either go 55 or I will be so up on your ass, you'd think I was in the back seat of your car yelling into your ear canal. I've realized tailgating is a great strategy to use when teaching slow drivers a lesson. And if they're not learning the lesson quick enough (which they usually aren't, because they're probably slow in all aspects of life), then ram their bumper a few times. This action is just a polite way of saying, "Hello, sir/ma'am. May I be so bold as to ask you to accelerate your car a little faster? It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and have a wonderous day."
(Well, ok. Let's be serious for 2.6 seconds. I'm just keeding about the ramming of the bumper part. I'm not that crazy, I swurr.)
I'm going to bed before I die of pure exhaustion. I'll tell you about my three lovely classes another day.
Goodnight cupcake.
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August 31st, 2005
03:06 pm - Back to School... Back to School...
Whaddup esse?
Sooo... Erica basically threatened my life if I didn't update this journal soon.
Sooo... here's the update, my patient readers.
I've perfected the art of enraging asshole customers at Starbucks. I know, it's not much of an accomplishment, but I can't help but to feel a surge of pride when a rich, bitter old man stomps out of Starbucks, mumbling obscenities under his breath all because of me. It makes me want to do a little victory dance and shout, "Yeah, that's right! You ain't gettin' none of DIS coffee, geezer!" (While laughing uproariously.)
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Wanna hear the story? Alright, I'll fuckin' TELL YOU THE STORY.
Let's backtrack a little. Let's rewind time so it's around 8pm on Monday night. I'm re-brewing coffee because we don't let our brewed coffee sit for over an hour. I'm working at an outrageously quick speed, because I'm basically the best damn Barista ever hired. Just as I click the "Brew" button, I hear a grumbling behind me.
The thought, "How did a bear get into this store?" runs through my mind. I turn around and come face to face with the grumpiest old man I have ever seen. He's dressed in a designer sweater and designer slacks (I've become expert in distinguishing expensive clothes), and the man is just standing there GLARING at me. (Keep in mind, I haven't even DONE anything yet for him to glower at me in such a demeaning manner .)
"Hello sir, what can we get for you?" I ask sweetly.
"Coffee. Give me a small. And I don't want decaf," he demands.
First off, it makes me want to physically shake a customer lifeless when they say, "Give me..."
Ever heard of manners? It's, "May I have..." you piece of horse shit.
Anyway, I'm totally getting distracted right now and this story is becoming ridiculously long.
I kind of chuckle to myself when I realize that our coffee is brewing and he will probably throw a fit for having to wait 2 minutes.
"Sorry, sir. Our coffee is actually brewing at the moment- can I interest you in an Americano, instead?" I ask.
But in reality, I don't get past the word "moment", because he leans in on the counter and shrieks (yes, shrieks, just like a bird), "ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT STARBUCKS DOESN'T HAVE ANY COFFEE BREWED?!?!?"
I cleverly answer with, "Unfortunately...yes, that is exactly what I am trying to tell you, sir."
And then he stalked out, and mumbled many rated R words under his breath.
Honestly, I hope his Type A Personality awards him with a heart attack one of these days.
_____________________________________
Anyways...
School starts tomorrow, and I'm mildly excited! I can't wait to begin my Business Writing class, for some reason. I haven't had any sort of writing class in almost a year, and I'm anxious to have another outlet for creativity. But I'm guessing the creativity level in a business class will be highly minimal... but whatever, it's better than microeconomics.
Tony at work told me that my hair makes me resemble an Asian.
My interests in the boy that is moving to LA have come to an end. Why can't anyone hold my interests for over a week? I think I need to back off from this "dating scene" because it's not really benefiting me in any way. It's just kiiiiind of making me look like a bitch.
Actually, Holly and I were discussing something in relation to this "dating" situation. I like spontaneity and danger so we've come to the conclusion that the only boy I'd be remotely interested in would be a robber or a hitman.
Any robbers or hitmen out there? Yowsaaaaaaa.
Ok, back to work. Peace out, D town.
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