Thug Land

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 05:40:51 GMT

This will probably be my last post for awhile. I even am possibly contemplating about putting this livejournal into retirement. It’s honestly just starting to bore me.
Those of you who read it faithfully and comment occasionally- thank you. Those of you who read it faithfully and refuse to comment are just plain, lazy assholes. But thanks anyway for the interest, I guess.

I haven’t gone on one of my “Agatha Rants” in quite sometime now. Maybe because during the course of the past 6 months, I’ve calmed down a lot. (Partially due to you-know-what.) But also, because I’m truly trying to rid myself of the stress that comes along with having a Type A Personality. I need to stop freaking out over minute details in life and just… chill.

Ya know?

But right now, at this very moment, I do NOT feeling like “chilling.” I feel like clenching my fists and screaming. And I’m going to effing tell you why.

Ready?
Ok, ready.

So, through life, I’ve come across MANY people that pride themselves in being “good listeners.” It seems, one of the first positive attributes someone uses to describe themselves is, “Oh, yeah. I’m a greaaat listener.” And these certain people have declared this so many times, that I think they’ve actually began to believe that they are. They have convinced themselves that they truly are a spectacular friend- such a spectacular friend, that people would JUMP at the chance at getting to know them.

WRONG.

Let me ask you a list of questions, and why don’t you sit there and mentally answer them to yourself. Hopefully, you’ll come to a conclusion on how you treat the people around you.

1. Do you ask your friends questions about their lives? Ya know, about their goals, their interests, what they did that day? Or do you call them solely for the purpose of blabbing away about your own personal stories, using them as a source to hear yourself talk?

2. Do you even KNOW what’s going on in the lives of the people you call “close”?

3. When listening to your friend tell a story about something important to them, do you change the subject around onto YOURSELF? And then continue to run your sorry ass mouth for the next 2 hrs?

4. Do you answer with ignorant, one word answers when a friend has confided something personal to you?

5. Do you give advice in the following way: “Yeah, well this is what I would have done…” and then proceed to go into a rant about what exactly your actions would have been, completely ignoring the fact that your FRIEND HAS A PROBLEM? (I don’t give two shits what you would do in my situation. Congratulations on getting the subject back onto yourself.)

Ok, I need to stop now. But you get my point. I’m SICK of being people’s personal psychiatrists when they could give two flying fucks about what is going on in my life. The extravagant pity parties I host for you- OVER.

I should have been at least getting paid to listen to you talk.

This whole thing is coming out a lot more bitchy than I intended, so I apologize. But really, no I don’t. Don’t walk all over someone and take their patience and kind words for granted. Friendship is about give and take.

And you’re not taking anymore of my time. I'm slowly going to filter these people out of my life.

Because I’ve found that there’s a difference between my friends and my “patients”.
My friends listen.
My “patients” just hear.

Quick survey, thanks.

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 06:16:47 GMT

Yeah,
I know I've been slacking with my updates. Mainly because I've been diagnosed with the Myspace disease. Yes, I've joined the cult and no, I hate it. (That's a lie, I effing love everything about it.)

But anyways,
I have some great opportunities opening up right now in my life, and as much as I wish to sit here and blab about them and tell you what possibly could be in store for me in the near future...

I can't.
Because I'm tired and "not in the mood."
But listen, there's a reason for this boring post-

I'm taking a survey.
A close friend and I got into a little disagreement tonight. You might even call it a "scuffle."
And as our disagreement on the certain topic heightened, I decided I would take a quick poll of the public, and figure out what YOUR opinion is on this matter.

What do you find to be more disgusting?

A) Kissing someone with flaking, chapped chips? ("Basically, eating their lips.") I'm sorry, that last comment was repulsive, I apologize.

or

B) Throwing up in your mouth a little bit and then having to swallow it? (Not just liquid vomit, either. I'm talking some solids here.)

All responses will be held strictly confidential if you don't wish to submit your name.
I appreciate it! Thanks guys.

First entry of 2006, oh my gah!

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 23:35:52 GMT

So my business classes are beginning to make me feel like I'm going into the devil's line of work.

No, seriously.
It seems the only key points these classes are driving into my brain are, "Efficient ways to scam consumers into buying things they don't need."

And I know, that's essentially what business is centered around. And learning how to be a profitable "salesperson" is what molded America into the striving, capitalist country that it is.

But I honestly don't think I'm cut out for this kind of career. Being a successful businesswoman involves having a sort of ruthless, aggressive, "Won't take no for an answer" personality. I don't have that.
I feel guilty just trying to sell an old man a bag of too-fucking-expensive coffee. I don't want to spend my life scheming of ways to steal money from innocent consumers, who don't know any better.

I want to have a career where I make a POSITIVE impact on people's lives.

And yet, at the same time, I want to innovate ideas and visual plans for companies to help promote their products. It's something that has always interested me. I guess design is the only element in business that I love.

What am I doing? I don't even know anymore.

I need to switch majors. This smart boy gave me advice to switch to a broader major- Communications. And minor in Marketing. Maybe I'll look into that, because I have a strong feeling I'm on the wrong path.

ANYWAYS.
Hope everyone had a kickass New Years!
I can't believe it's already 2006. When I used to think about the future, back when I was a lil tike, I thought we'd have robot housekeepers by now.

K.
I guess I'm going- bye ya'll.

PS OH yeah! And I saw Brokeback Mountain! One of the most beautiful on-screen love stories I have ever seen. I think everyone should go see that movie at least once in their lives. It could open up a lot of ignorant people's eyes.

PPS Oh, and one more thing. So let's just say- hypothetically speaking- that you were a 20 year old girl. Ok? And let's just say that an older man (by older, I mean...ya know, early 30s. I'm not talking senior citizen age, dammit) asked you out on a date.
Just to dinner.
And he had a very genuine and likable personality.
And you truly knew he didn't have any bad intentions.
AND let's just say that you were actually 20 1/2 years old, which means you're basically 21.
Would you do it? Just to test it out?

I'm asking this question for a friend...

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 03:41:02 GMT

There’s this customer that comes into my Starbucks almost daily. Always orders a sugar free vanilla, nonfat, no foam latte. She’s in her mid 30s and works at Saks Fifth Avenue, downstairs. And over the past 2 years of being her “coffee bartender”, I feel like I’ve gotten to know her on a fairly in-depth level.

And for some reason, I have always admired her. She carries herself with such natural grace and elegance. Head held high, shoulders back. And I always think to myself, “When I get older, and become a mom, I want to project that image. An image of confidence and swan-like composure.”
I won’t be the typical “frumpy” mother, who is busy being hassled by her spoiled, un-restricted children. I’ll be organized and calm and serene.

But then, today, my portrayal of this woman shattered. It made me realize, yet again, that what you see isn’t necessarily what you get.

This afternoon, I witnessed her be horribly rude and “diva-like” to another customer in line. Let me tell you this story real quick-

An older lady was standing in line, behind Mrs. Saks. You could tell this customer was a “newby” to Starbucks, because she was standing there, staring in mass confusion at the drink boards. And as I noticed this, I began anticipating a highly annoying conversation with her; one in which would entail having to explain every damn drink- in explicit detail.

But anyways, so she wanders up to the register, accidentally but blatantly cutting in front of Mrs. Saks.

Mrs. Saks is in mid-conversation with her co-worker, when she notices. All of a sudden, she brings the conversation to an abrupt halt, and rudely snaps, “Yeah, actually, I was next!” outloud. The older lady turns around, apologizing. And Mrs. Saks barks at her, “Yeah, I don‘t need a ‘sorry’. I just need you to step aside so I can order my drink and not stand here all day!”

And the older lady stepped aside, a hushed look of embarrassment crossing her face.
And my heart broke at the sight. I just wanted to scream to her, “Don’t let that woman talk to you that way! Don’t let her intimidate you!”
But I kept my silent shouts to myself.

And Mrs. Saks ordered her drink.
And then walked away with her co-worker, proceeding to criticize how “atrocious” she thought that lady’s coat had been.

Cruel. Cold. Insensitive.
I guess her good looks are her only blessing. Because, come to find out, her personality is that of an uncompassionate, stuck-up bitch. What bad karma. Her attitude is gonna come back and really bite her on the ass one day.

And now, instead of envying Mrs. Saks’ two little kids- I pity them. What a terrible mother to have.

I’d rather be frumpy.

Oh, livejournal surveys. How I love thee.

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 02:51:24 GMT

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Got a facial piercing.
Enjoyed and became interested in hard rock bands from the 70s.
Went to a gay bar.
Threw a huge, chaotic party.
Watched my lil bro graduate from high school.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My resolution was to quit smoking.
And I quit for 8 days. So, kinda.
And yes, I’m making another. This time, it’ll be – Quit smoking for 365 days.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What countries did you visit?
Blah, none of any interest. (Canada)

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Hmmm… good question. Organization and an internship.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 16, 2005 because that’s when I saw Matt again for the first time after Iraq.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Becoming a stronger and more confident individual after a very tough loss of a first love.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not receiving a scholarship I worked my ass off to apply for.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope. :)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A subscription to Newsweek. I don’t know, I’m a dork and I can’t think of anything else worth listing.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Supporters and donaters of hurricane relief.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
This one boy’s.
And George W’s.
Sometimes my own.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Tuition. Books. And miscellaneous shit that isn’t good for my health.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Spring break in Miami.
His homecoming arrival.
My birthday.

16. Whose music will always remind you of 2005?
Bob Marley
Hendrix
Kanye to the West

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier!
ii. thinner or fatter? the same
iii. richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Studied (NOT crammed.) Spent more time with the fam.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sulked in my world of bitterness and anger (just a quick phase!)
Smoked (both.)

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my mom, dad and bro.
At home.
Ya know, the usual.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Nope.

23. How many one-night stands?
A big whopping zero.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Eh, I kinda stopped watching TV this year. But I definitely enjoyed Aqua Teen Hunger Force (yeah!!!) and I loved hating Laguna Beach.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hm. I don’t hate anyone anymore. It’s too tiresome and not worth it.

26. What was the best book you read?
This year? Probably The Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown- when I realized I was the only person in the tri-county that hadn’t cracked it open.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The K-Os!!!!!!
Best underground hip hop I've heard in awhile.

28. What did you want and get?
Discovery of myself.
A stronger vision of my future.
Good grades.

29. What did you want and not get?
A lasting relationship.
Several G’s.
A new car.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Did Closer come out this year or 2004?
I think 2004. So… probably The 40 Year Old Virgin because I nearly urinated my pants during it.

I reeeaalllly wanna see Brokeback Mountain, though!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Canada, because what else is there for a 20 year old to do?
And spent the night being stuck at Bentleys and getting wasted off jager bombs.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Ugh, this answer is beginning to get a little redundant… but me and him NOT becoming a disaster. (I've moved on, though. Everything happens for a reason.)
And owning a new car, fo sho.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
The same as it’s always been.

34. What kept you sane?
My parents. Marly Farris. Writing in my personal journal.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Simon Rex simply for his looks.
John McCain simply for his intelligence and integrity.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The elections in Iraq, which evoked a rigid sense of fear in me. (Not because I gave two shits on the outcome of the polls, but because it was one of the most dangerous periods for soldiers this year.)

37. Who do you miss the most?
Hm. I miss lots of people! To name a few-
Basan. Alyssa. Marc. Emilia. Matt.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Brent. Chelsea. Andrew (Boo). Jeff. (Or should I say, re-met.)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
“The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.” – Well, I guess my ignorance has decreased a notch!

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
It's funny how life can go
First you ride high then you might lay low
Don't get high off your own supply
Some will set foot before a fall comes by

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 17:41:06 GMT

HELP!!!!!!!
You! Yes, you! Do you know anything about computers? No? OK, well you’re of absolutely no assistance to me.

But seriously- who knows how to re-configure a hard drive on a laptop? I effed something up big time, and all of a sudden my drive isn’t working. Not detecting any DVD-RWs… or any disc at all, for that matter.

Apparently my computer engineering class last year taught me a whole bunch of jack shit because I’m as computer illiterate as ever. Soooo if you can help me, that’d be greeeeeeaaaaat.

Moving on:
My hair is short now. Jess cut off a whopping (yes, whopping) 4-5 inches. I kind of feel/look like an 8 year old school girl again. Eh, maybe not 8. But no older than 12, for sure.

So I stepped into my dreadful accounting class for the last time this morning to take my final. And I must admit- I’m feeling pretty damn confident in my performance. And if I scored an 80% or higher, I think I may just possibly 3.0 the class. How I accomplished this feat, I have no idea. But maybe accounting isn’t really the devil. Or maybe I’m just an effing genius.

I can not wait until Friday! Friday = the start of Christmas break.

Hail Yes!!!!!!!

To-Do List-- Christmas Vacation 200Five:

1. Hardcore sledding.
2. Softcore sledding.
3. Build a snow woman.
4. Make-out with someone passionately in the snow.

5. ….Ok, this list is getting pretty damn stupid. For serious- I need to start applying for job internships.
6. Start/Finish my Christmas shopping. (Let’s be honest for 3.65 seconds- we all know I’m not gonna start until probably 24 hrs prior to the holiday.)
7. Begin working full-time again at S’bux.

By the way, if anyone is interested in donating toys to hospitalized kids (up to 21 years of age), please bring some unwrapped gifts to Somerset South Starbucks. We’d appreciate anything- from CDs to books to board games. These kids spend their holidays in hospital beds, surrounded by the unfamiliarity of bare walls and strangers. A simple gesture of kindness could really help bring a light of hope into their lives. We’re trying to beat our goal of 1,000 toys- and with your help, we can do it!

Pothead? No. More like weed connoisseur.

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 21:46:27 GMT

That one boy is being shipped “over there” today. For the second time. And I thought I had accepted this fact- I thought I would hold up better this time around. But reality set in last night.

And along with reality came an aching heart and the feeling of just wanting to curl up into a tiny ball and cry and cry. I feel the pure fear starting to settle into the depths of my stomach. Ya know, the kind of bitter fear you can actually taste. And my anxiety is about to sky-rocket. And I know that for the next 7 months I’ll constantly obsess over his well-being and safety. And I really wish it didn’t have to be this way.

But let’s be serious. I can’t curl up into a tiny ball and cry, because that would be a weak thing to do. A pointless and weak thing to do. So instead, I’m going to try and act like a grown-up, and be really strong and wise. And I’m gonna say things like, “I have faith he’ll return home again”, instead of, “I’m scared shitless, someone do something now!!!!”

To put this in the simplest of terms- war sucks. Horribly. Excruciatingly. Man is its own worse enemy.

…I say, as a remedy against world battle, how about everyone just indulge in the greatness of marijuana? Seriously. I don’t care what the commercials say about staying “over the influence”- if Saddam Hussein had been accustomed to smoking some herb during his two decades of reign, I HIGHLY doubt ("highly", get it? haha) that he would have been capable of devastating Iraq to the degree that it is in now. It would have been all about laughs and peace. And maybe some absurdly long, babbling speeches about how cool it would be to fly. But what's the harm in talking about flying? Better than talking about blowing up your neighboring countries.

Coulda been:

And look where he ended up:

"I was blind. With crystal clear eyes."

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 18:25:49 GMT

Have you ever heard of narration using the technique ‘stream of consciousness?’ It’s basically telling a story in a continuous, uninterrupted flow of thoughts. (In other words, babbling away anything that comes to mind.)

And that’s what I’m about to do. I’m not putting any real thought into this entry, because sadly, my creative juices are going through a drought right now. Most likely this drought is due to accounting. (I’ll blame anything and everything on accounting, just because I fucking hate it.) So disregard this jamble, because I’m going on 2 hours of sleep and miiiiiight be slightly delusional.

Let’s get something cleared up real quick-
November sucks. The trees are no longer gripped with beautiful reds and oranges (but rather, stand bare and lonely), it’s getting deathly cold but there’s no snow, and school work is in overload mode. If your birthday is in November, I kind of feel bad for you. And I kind of know you’re jealous that mine is in July. And I kind of feel like I might offend people by that comment. But I kind of don’t care right now.

You know what reeeeeeaaallllly “grinds my gears”? Babies.
Yeah, I’m evil.
I mean, they’re ok most of the time. And I’ll admit, they’re cute. Especially Asian babies; those are the cutest. But seriously, stop bringing them to the mall. There’s no valid reason why you should bring your infant to Somerset. All it’s going to do is cry endlessly inside that $2,000 luxurious stroller and vomit the milk you force fed it into drinking. (I keep calling them “it”, like they’re not human beings, ahhh! Hahaha.)
The hectic Christmas shopping season has officially inaugurated, and it’s bad enough that I have to deal with adults crying about their lattes not being “hot enough.” I don’t need to hear the piercing shrieks of their kids, on top of it.

Kids? No, more like mini demons.

Wanna know what I did for the first time this Friday?
No?
C’monnnnn. Yeahhhhhhh you do!
I attended my first wedding. (I know, living under a rock is beginning to get a lil old.)
It was a lot of fun. Partially due to the many Sex on the Beaches I consumed and then partially due to the fact I helped my date DJ it. Basically, I was bumping that hall with hot new remixes all night.
That’s a lie. All I did was take requests. But it still was a reeeeeal good time.

What else did I do this weekend?
Well, I said goodbye to a dear friend.
Again.
Who is this friend, you ask? It’s Matt. He was deployed home for a short 2 weeks and now he’s back at his base, anticipating round #2 in Iraq. I’m scared. But also confident that he will have a safe return.
My prayers are with him. Hopefully, some of yours are too.
I fully understand that his craziness and my weirdness makes a dysfunctional combination. But it looks like we’re going to continue holding onto this (whatever it is) and we’re choosing friendship as the best alternative. And I’m happy with that. Because I think that might just be exactly how it was intended to unfold.

That’s all for now.
G’bye junior!

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 06:48:33 GMT

Hello junior. This update is very belated. But honessssstly, my life has gradually transformed into a constant cycle of work and school- so not too much to jamble about, ya know?

On my way to the S'bux meeting today, I was in a near fatal accident. Minus the "near fatal" part. But the broad driving in front of me came to a screeching halt in the middle of the road in a desperate attempt to avoid hitting a dog. The dog was hit, nonetheless...
She pulls over onto the curb and I cautiously follow behind her, anxious and frightened, hoping something can be done so as not to leave the doggie near the road, dying.
She walks up to me, and the first thing she blurts out of her insensitive, uncompassionate mouth is, "Don't worry, my car is not damaged."

I stared at her in shock. She was only worried about her fucking POS Neon?
How could she not feel any remorse for a living creature she had just so casually hit? Did she not hear the dog's painful squeal, just as she had hit its torso? Apparently not, because she hurried back to her car, not even bothering to search for the dog.

And as she pealed off, I spent the next 10 minutes trying to find the injured pup- but found nothing. When have people become so emotionless? Why does it seem feelings of remorse and compassion are fading in society? It was so depressing to see first-hand how utterly detached and...robotic people become when faced with a situation like this. It's sad and it's sick.

And that's all I have to say about the decay of mankind for now.

----------------------------------------------------------------

On some lighter, more random notes:

-My ear is bleeding. Yeah, I don't know. Does that mean my ear drum exploded?

-I miss the feeling of genuinely liking someone and feeling butterflies. Those damn butterflies have been long gone, and I don't know how to get them back. I think I permanently killed them all.

-Oh my gah, it's time to start searching for job internships!

-Aaaaaand last but certainly not least, Drea Bia at her finest:

I love you Andrea!

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 05:37:37 GMT

Men with manicured nails. How do you feel about that? Do you find that attractive?

Because yeah, I’ll be the first to admit that I seem to have a weird fetish with hands. But everyone is so quick to assume that I must like men that paint their nails with clear nail polish and moisturize hourly.

NO. Sweet Jesus, no.

I wasn’t aware of how huge of a turn-off this was until the other day at work. (And so… the story unfolds.)

A very attractive man stepped into Starbucks that day. He kind of resembled the actor Simon Rex ,(whom will always have a piece of my heart), and as my eyes landed on him, I went into a mild hysteria. After I was finally sedated, my co-workers pushed me towards the register- which therefore allowed me to be the lucky barista to ring his fii-iine ass up.

Needless to say... I was ecstatic. But I sauntered over to the register, playing it “cool.”

As he approached, I mentally rehearsed what I was going to say to him. “Hello sir. What can I get for you?” Or maybe (to be a little sassy and bold) I could ask, “Hi there! Have you tried our Gold Coast coffee?”

I decided to be sassy and bold.
So I asked him if he wanted to try our Gold Coast. And he did! Which basically re-established the fact that the two of us were meant to be together.

But all romantic love stories usually come to an end. And the end is near with this one.

As I am handing him his $3.20 in change, I throw a peak at his hands. To my utter shock, he reaches out a hand that basically resembles:

I know you must think that’s an outrageous exaggeration… and yes. It is.
But either way, his hands looked like they belonged to Cindy Crawford.
Ughhh. Sick.
I was appalled.
His hand looked more feminine than mine. I think I threw up a little in my mouth at this disgusting sight. What a waste of a guy, I thought.

You’re probably asking yourself what the moral or even point to this ridiculous story is. Well, dumbass, I’ll tell you what it is if you haven’t figured it out already:
If you are a boy,
-Please do not paint your finger nails.
-Don’t grow them out.
-And most importantly, don’t wear shimmery lotion.
Please?
You were not meant to live life this way.

Accounting? No, more like Pure Hell.

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 06:41:12 GMT

Oh, man.
I did it again.
And by "it", I mean overdosed on some caffeine.
And the reason I consumed the outrageous level of coffee that I did tonight was to study for my accounting exam.
But I've been studying for 4 straight hours, so if I continue staring at these pages filled with endless jamble (I made this word up), then I will literally go looney.
And by looney, I mean bonkers.

I'm distressed about several things right now. So I will number my distresses in chronological order from most important to least important. And it's up to YOU if you want to read them. Because let's be serious for a moment: my current distresses are reeeeeaaallly kind of mundane.

1. My heart is beating at an astonishingly rapid rate and it's making me slightly fearful that a heart attack is on its way. Maybe if I'm granted a sudden heart attack I'll be able to get out of my exam tomorrow. Hmmm...

2. And yeah, I fucking hate accounting. I can't stress that enough. I need classes to build my creativity, not completely destroy it. And destroying my creativity is exactly what accounting is intent on doing.

3. I have come to the realization that I'm really bad at "following through" with goals. It's like I'll have a revelation and know what I have to do to get my life on the path for success and good health... and I'll get the ball rolling. The ball will roll for a good two weeks. Sometimes it'll even roll for longer than that, when I'm really determined.

But then, all of a sudden, it's like I deflate the ball.

4. The only emotion he evokes from me now is anger. It used to be a mixture of every emotion; mostly just happiness. Now a simple conversation with him leaves me pissed off and ready to punch the living hell out of a pillow. This friendship we are trying to maintain is dysfunctional in every way possible. What are we doing to ourselves?

5. I'm learning more and more in my classes that knowing a second language is a huge advantage in the business world. In the past 10 years, my Polish has basically gone down the shithole, and I'm really saddened by this fact. I want to be able to speak fluently, like I did back in the day.

I remember in elementary school, when I had an embarrassing accent, I told myself, "You're gonna learn this fucking English language, and one day, you'll speak it better than half of the kids who were born speaking it." (Exclude the 'fucking' part.)

And now it's difficult for me to even maintain a conversation in Polish with my parents, because I have fully "Americanized." The irony of it all...

Wish me luck on my exam, I'm hitting the sheets. (That means I'm going to sleep.) Although I doubt sleep is anywhere in my near future due to all those cups of Starbucks Breakfast Blend coffee.

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 03:00:29 GMT

Dear my lovely Elite ladies,

I came across a little list of “facts” describing girls that have consumed one too many alcoholic beverages. As I was laughing uncontrollably, I realized that many of the statements reminded me of one of you. So, I decided to dedicate this next entry to the 8 of us.

1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is. -- I think this first one applies to all of us.

2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead, wiggling my butt, and yelling, “Woo Hoo!” is truly the sexiest dance move around. -- Andrea, Drea Bia! (I know you’ve all seen her do this.)

3. I’ve suddenly decided I want to kick someone’s ass, and honestly believe I can do it, too. -- Me. And Marly has my back. And vice versa. Tag team it! (Let’s be serious, though. I reeeaaaally would never physically attack someone.)

4. In my last trip to pee, I realize I now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess I was just four hours ago. -- Hahahah, sadly this describes us all.

5. I drop my 3:00am sub sandwich on the floor (which I’m eating even though I’m not in the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it. -- Me. And Erica. When drunk, we are basically food nazis.

6. I start crying and telling everyone that I see how I love them sooooo much. -- Holly Bolly. And Drea Bia.

7. I’ve suddenly found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me. -- Andrea. You find the looniest people attractive.

8. The man I’m flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher. -- ERICA! LMAO

9. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming. -- Hmm… I can’t really imagine any of us stripping publicly. However, Amanda demands to karaoke when drunk. Even when she can’t stand.

11. My eyes don’t want to stay open on their own, so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy. -- ANV and Mandy for sure.

12. I’ve suddenly taken up smoking and have become really good at it. -- Smoking what? :)

13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by just giving me lemonade, but that’s just because I can no longer taste the gin. -- The MSU drunks, Mands and Drea. I’ve witnessed this happen with my own eyes.

14. I think I’m in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor. -- Hasn’t someone fallen asleep at Bentley’s before? Who was it- Holly?

15. I start every conversation with a booming, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” -- Lindsay R’chuk!

16. I fail to notice that the toilet seat lid is down when I sit on it. -- No one has done this to my knowledge, but I can definitely see Andrea pulling this one. Hahahahaha

17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves. -- MARLY.

18. I’m tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap. -- Well, Linds likes to get ready for bed time in the middle of a party, so I guess she’ll win this one.

19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my pants to cut down on the time I’m in the bathroom, away from my drink. -- Ok, I’ve seen every single one of you unbuttoning your pants before you’re even near a stall. Shit, half the time we don’t even USE bathrooms. Pop a squat! Hahahhahahah, ahhh- I’m totally embarrassing the hell out of us. I apologize.

20. I take my shoes off because I believe it’s their fault that I’m having problems walking straight. -- MANDY HENTKOWSKI.

I <3 you, girls!

Sincerely,
Ags

Aqua Teen Hunger Force. You rock.

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 04:38:23 GMT

Why is this show so mothereffing hilarious?! Oh my Lord. I can feeeeeel my brain cells deteriorating while I watch this nonsense, however...yeah, I can't help but to get some crazy childish kick out of it.

What loooony bag came up with the concept of personifying a fast food meal? Genius!

And how come Frylock just floats around? Why didn't they give him legs? Weeiirrd.

Does anyone understand what Meatwad is saying half of the time? Me neither.

Meatwad: "Wow, he's learning English really fast. It took me forever, and me still don't does it right, does me?" (Under breath)"...Do me? Don't me?"

hahahhahaha.

I hate cartoons. Out of all cartoons to get addicted to, why this? Why them?

Road Rage 2005

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 04:35:42 GMT

Ok, let me ask you something.

Why is it that all Indian drivers cruise at an average speed of 15 mph on the road? (This is including expressways.) Is this common habit inscripted into their genes, hence making them genetically encoded to drive at the same speed I can crawl? Or do they move this slow to purposely anger me, causing me to show them my festive finger dance. (And no, my finger dance doesn't involve a thumbs up. Not even a thumbs down.)

Aaaaaand I know you hate me right now, because I'm stereotyping Indians as being slow drivers, and I'm being mean and grouchy and road ragey.
But shhhhhhove itttttttt.

When a speed limit says 45, you either go 55 or I will be so up on your ass, you'd think I was in the back seat of your car yelling into your ear canal. I've realized tailgating is a great strategy to use when teaching slow drivers a lesson. And if they're not learning the lesson quick enough (which they usually aren't, because they're probably slow in all aspects of life), then ram their bumper a few times. This action is just a polite way of saying, "Hello, sir/ma'am. May I be so bold as to ask you to accelerate your car a little faster? It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and have a wonderous day."

(Well, ok. Let's be serious for 2.6 seconds. I'm just keeding about the ramming of the bumper part. I'm not that crazy, I swurr.)

I'm going to bed before I die of pure exhaustion. I'll tell you about my three lovely classes another day.

Goodnight cupcake.

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 07:45:41 GMT

Wowwwwwwwwww.
I'm so highly aggravated right now. And by aggravated, I mean pissed off, but I'm not gonna write 'pissed off' because I don't feel like having to hear people tell me, "AGatha, you have a slight anger issue."

I'm also mildly not sober.

But that is beside the point.

Now I'm going to list my aggravations and randomly babble away.

1. FIRST AND FOREMOST, I fucking HATE sleezy, perverted guys. NO, YOU DON'T HAVE PERMISSION TO TOUCH MY ASS. I don't remember giving you permission to even LOOK at it. Who the HELL do you think you are? Don't EVER assume you can just feel free to touch a girl any way you please. there are boundaries you DON'T cross when first meeting someone. Ever heard of class? And by class, I don't mean how much money you have, or how expensive the clothes on your back is. By CLASS, I mean having RESPECT for the opposite sex, and not treating them like pieces of walking meat. God, makes me sick. Trash.

2. When girls ALLOW themselves to be treated this way and don't even realize it.

3. I also have to randomly state that I'm done giving advice to people. Fuck it, I am wasting my breath. And I could be doing something highly more valuable/productive with my breath, like smoking a cigarette. I'm done trying to help people make rational decisions. Don't ask me, "What should I do?" ever again if you plan on listening in one ear and out the other. There are so many people that hear and don't listen.

4. Why the hell am I beginning to like someone new (FINALLLYYYYY) that is planning on moving to LA? I sure do know how to pick them. I'm either destined for long distance relationships or I'm subconsciously going for guys that I don't have to fully commit to. Haven't figured out which one it is yett.

5. I don't know, I'm just pissed off right now and I can't even pinpoint why.

6. Blah, I'm still trying to think of other things I'm angry about.

7. Well, the highlight of the night was meeting Nick's new kangaroo. And I know you're reading that, and thinking ,"Damn. She is so drunk that she thinks she saw a kaangaroo tonight." But I did! Nick has one as a pet ( I still think he illegally bought it through the black market), and his name is Stuey! Isn't that so cute? HHe was licking my hand for like 1/2 an hr. (The kangaroo, not Nick) and I think I wanna get one when I grow up.

Along with a panda and a chimp.

Ok, I'm tired . goodnight.

Why does this weekend feel like it never happened?

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 04:01:33 GMT

It seems everyone's response to the Wolkowicz Summer Bash is the same;

"I can not even believe that 150 people were in your backyard, getting sloshed, while your strict, Polish parents witnessed it all happen."

So if you're looking for an explanation, I'm just as shocked as you are. I can't even begin to comprehend how this happened. All I can say is, for once, my parents laid back the rules and let kids be...kids. The party was a success and it did indeed celebrate the graduation of my lil brother. And he truly deserved a celebration, because graduating high school was a huge feat for him to accomplish. I'm kidding, that was mean.

Also, I've come to the conclusion that I'm a dumbass for inviting everyone I know and have ever met in my 20 years of life to the party. This decision lead to about 3,982 fights in my front driveway, started by people that I had invited over and trusted to respect my house. You dumb boys, if I have anything to say to any of you, it's-
a.) Get your damn testosterone levels under control.
b.) You (and you know if this comment is directed towards you) are never allowed to consume any alcohol beverage on my property again.
c.) And lastly, why do guys always have to act so macho? That is so aggravating and childish.

Sorry I missed mingling with most of you. As many of you know, I was passed out by the pond behind my house for about an hour. (Most likely sprawled on piles of random goose shit.) That is probably one of the most embarrassing predicaments I've gotten myself into, considering it was my own party I was so sloppy at. But hey- at least I'll have a crazy story to tell the grandkids one day.
______________________________________________________

The new school year is almost here, and it's time for changes.

Starting with my hair. The length is becoming a hassle. So, instead of being a long haired, blonde:

I'm gonna finally become a short haired, brunette:

And I've gone out of my way to help you paint a visual on what I will soon look like. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I'm also getting a mole added, right above my upper lip.

Hahahahh.

Well, early day tomorrow. Peace out, D town.

P.S. One of the most disappointing realizations is when good looks are paired with...the personality of a rock. Dammit.

"Why? Because I'll never be like you."

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 17:20:12 GMT

I will never...

I will never allow a guy to wrap me around their little finger.

I will never settle for something mediocre just because I have doubts that I can’t do any better.

I will never mistake physical attraction for real feelings.

I will never allow anyone to treat or talk to me like I’m a whore.

I never will be a whore.

I will never be a dumb, naïve girl. Take your one-liners and shove them up your ass.

I will...

I will always maintain a high level of self-respect. If you don’t respect yourself, who will?

I will love again, just as strongly as I did the first time.

I will try not to hold grudges.

I will treat you as you treat me. Did ya screw me over? Well, guess you’ll only be seeing Agatha the Bitch.

I will apologize when I’m in the wrong, and mean it with all my heart.

I will try to be more understanding of people who don’t think the same way as I do. Even though I’m always right, and you’re a dumb sack of shit.

...Damn it. I’m never gonna get any good at the last one.

"Get High on Life"

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 04:01:49 GMT

Random Thoughts
By: Agatha Holly Wolkowicz

- Tomorrow is my brother's 18th birthday. Mark is so lucky he has a bomb ass sister like me (yes, I did just write "bomb ass", and you loved every second of it), because wanna know what I'm getting for him? I'm paying for him to get his first tattoo. He wants one of those damn stupid barbed wires around his arm, but I'm not allowing that. No way I'm wasting my money on something so cheesy. Damn straight, jigger. I'll make him get a cute flower or something.

- One day, I want my future boyfriend to slow dance with me to "At Last" by Etta James. Actually, I'm demanding that this happens. So, future boyfriend, if you're reading this right now- fucking blast that song in your room, call me over, and ask me, "Agatha...may I have this dance?" It'll be love for life.

- Oh, one more thing. Send me flowers while I'm at work. (Erica, you damn lucky girl. You and Jay make me wanna throw up... in a good way.)

- At Cedar Point this past weekend, I ate 4 large cups of Dip 'n Dots. No, that wasn't a typing error, I did indeed buy $20 worth of "ice cream of the future". It was awesome and I would do it again without hesitation. Only this time, I would high jack their stand, and run away with a month's supply. Then I would eat it all, and not even share.

- I succeeded in using my fake ID in Michigan. Went to Rogers Roost and had a ball. The ridiculous part is my fake has my height as 5'1.

I'm 5'9. :) Sweet.

- Leann Rimes came into Starbucks today. I kinda wanted to stalk her around the mall, cuz I'm creepy like that.

- I didn't stalk her, but it's ok- cuz I'm stalking the new, hot security guard instead.

- I'm going to bed. ... I guess that's not really that random of a thought, but get over it.

G'night, ho-bitches.

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 20:39:16 GMT

Sappiness level of this entry: 10
Should you bother reading it? No, probably not.
Will you read it? Yeah, there’s nothing better to do.

July 11th came and went yesterday. The day was probably not significantly important to you- just another Monday. But, to me, it marked a special day between a boy I am currently trying to push out of my life.

He called me last night at 11:45pm, just as I was beginning to believe he had forgotten that it was 7-11. The conversation was short, cold. And as I sat there, with him on the other line, it finally dawned on me. We AREN’T going to get through this. Some how, some way, we drifted down separate, unyielding paths. It’s funny how one year can do so much. One year can change a loving boy into an emotionless man. Especially if in that one year the boy was in heavy combat for seven months.

It’s time to officially let go. I know, I’ve said this a countless amount of times. But understanding is finally starting to filter in, and I need to finally separate the boy I met and the guy that I don’t even know anymore. The boy I met is long gone. There's nothing I can do about that. But I’m done convincing myself that I’m “fine”. I need to actually start living it.

I’m going to heal 100% from this. I’m probably at around 50%- but, from here, the only way to go is up.

Wow.

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 03:25:06 GMT

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Normally, I just take these quizzes for fun. But, for once, the results kinda freaked me out because at this point in my life, they're right on. Thought I'd share, I dunno?

"He listens to Madonna? Yeah... he's gay."

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 22:06:49 GMT

Hey ho-bitch (copyright Agatha Wolkowicz, don't jock my vocabulary),

I have a story for you!

So I went to a new club last night. And I know as you read that, you thought, "Oh God. She went to Canada AGAIN? She definitely needs to get a life."

Yeah, shut the hell up. I DIDN’T go to Canada, ho-bitch! Let's just say that this was a first time experience and I have to say... it was pretty flippin' outrageous.

Here are some hints as to what kind of club I went to:

1.) It was located within the ghettos of Detroit.

2.) No hip hop music. Mostly techno.

3.) The club consisted of about 98% males.

4.) Of those 98%, almost all of them were wearing tight rocker t-shirts with sequenced hip huggin' jeans.

5.) This bar isn’t exactly known for being "heterosexual".

And if you can’t guess by now, then you’re an imbecile.

All of us Starbuxers went for my friend Tony’s 26th birthday to Menjo’s, the gay bar. I have to admit, this experience was an eye opener. I had no idea there was such a huge gay community anywhere near me. There were men in there that looked like they were married with kids at home. Others looked better in high heals than me. It made me feel like I’ve been living under a rock.

Observations of the Night:

- What a drastic change from hetero bars. You can’t go 5 minutes on the dance floor in a Canadian club before a pervert comes up behind you, and begins grinding. At Menjo’s, all guys steer clear of you, maintaining at least a 10 yard distance. They won’t even make eye contact.

- The guys in there can dress DAMN good. And they know how to dance. Being there kiiiiinda made me want to become a gay man.

- They love Gwen Stefani and Madonna. Holy shit. I heard about six different versions of the remixed “Holla Back Girl” within the span of 10 minutes.

- Most of the employees of Somerset South are gay. I saw four guys at Menjo’s that come into Starbucks and get coffee everyday. Awkward? Yes, a little.

Girls, moral of the story- If you’re looking for a night away from creepy, aggressive guys that smell like sweat and dance like dogs with rabies… go to the gay bar. It’s one hell of a time.

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 04:01:36 GMT

Dear my old and faithful readers,

Hi.

Sorry 'bout that interlude. My life went into a whirlwind of confusion after my last entry. Few of you know the details. Many of you don't. But thank you to those who were supportive and allowed me to ramble and rage. (Yeah, damn STRAIGHT "rage" is in italics.)

How are all ya'll summers going? Hopefully you're making some good cash and getting an African tan.

Now that school has been out for awhile, my stress factor/blood pressure has definitely decreased a few notches.

Updates and random comments:

- When my brother was kicked out of the house a couple of weeks ago, it made me realize how much he really means to me. Heads up, lil bro!

- Don't date guys that smuggle in their own snacks & drinks on a first date to the movies.

- I got a raise @ Starbucks, bitches. Now officially upgrading my 20 inch dubbz for 22'z.

- I love random acts of kindness. They touch my heart.

- People that invent their own drama really make me want to slit their throats. No joke. Seriously.

- I made some new friends. One, in which, is this boy named Brent. He's ok, I guess. If you like them nerd types.

Muahahah.

- I now have a new hobby that you will never be able to guess if you knew me in high school. Once again, muahahahha.

Aaaaaand...last but not least

- "The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end."

It's the home stretch now...

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:23:51 GMT

So this is it, guys.

Matt is going to be home in just a few mere days. And I'm actually sitting down right now to write an entry in this thing that won't be bitching or about unimportant bullshit.

To be completely honest, I'm scared out of my mind. (No, not literally of him, you monkey.) Now that I sit here, I can't even pinpoint exactly what I'm so scared about. I guess it's just the thought that after these painfully long 8 months, it all comes down to this Friday. Our entire relationship is on the line this Friday, and it'll be clear to both of us if what we have is true.

I've been trying to make myself imagine how it's going to be when I see him again. When our eyes will meet. How it'll feel to hold him physically in a hug, with his arms wrapped around me so tight. What my first words will be. How hard I will cry. If he'll cry, just a little.

And everytime I let my mind stray in this direction, my heart begins beating wildly, and I start getting teary eyed. (Like right now.) My mouth becomes dry and I feel a little light-headed.

I wonder to myself, "If this is how I react just to the simple thought of seeing him, what will happen to me when I actually do see him?"

Well, I can answer that question pretty easily for you. I will go into cardiac arrest. I'm not joking, either. Those of you that will be there to witness this event, will unfortunately have to see me being pulled away in a stretcher.

Don't ever tell me, though, that I didn't warn you. Because this is my warning. I WILL have a heart attack.

I think April 15, 2005 may become the most emotional day of my entire life. Even more emotional than when he left for Iraq, because these 8 months have only brought us closer.

I am so lucky to have such a beautiful First Love. Every aspect of our relationship is exactly what I used to dream and write about in my diaries back when I was a kid. He's one of my best friends, he's my guardian, and he's my hero. I've never met a boy like him in my life. Actually, I've never met a man like him in my life, because what he has gone through definitely doesn't constitute him as a boy any longer.

I saw him last at the end of August. It was a warm night, and I was standing on my back porch, hugging him goodbye for the last time. I remember wondering to myself, "Will this be the last time I'll ever touch him?"

He had whispered to me, "I promise you I'll come back to you."

And he's kept his promise.

I hopped on the bandwagon with this questionaire.

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 22:44:55 GMT

Just fill it out, asshole.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

Ugh, I'm bored.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 02:52:40 GMT

10 REALLY RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME

1. No, I WASN'T born in Poland, you asshole. So stop thinking that. I'm a native Detroiter.
2. When I had my mouth/chin surgery, the right side of my tongue was numb for almost 4 months. (No exaggeration. It still isn't 100% healed.)
3. My lil brother and I are really close.
4. I've kept personal diaries since I was 8 years old.
5. I've broken up with a boy because I didn't like his hands.
6. When I was 14, I visited a concentration camp in Poland.
7. Matt is the first boy I've confessed to my parents is my actual "boyfriend". Thankfully, they like the kid.
8. When watching a movie, I will cry harder if I see an animal dying, rather than a human being.
9. As an elementary schooler, I wanted to be Michael Jackson.
10. I have a sleeping disorder.

9 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART

1. Remember the small things I tell you.
2. Make me genuinely laugh.
3. Make fun of me in a 3rd grade manner.
4. Wrestle with me but let me win.
5. Hold my hand, and squeeze it 3 times for, "I love you".
6. Smile at me differently than you would smile at anyone else.
7. Fly me out to San Diego and have an entire weekend set up of fun, romantic activities.
8. Respect me.
9. Be genuine.

8 THINGS I CARRY/WEAR EVERYDAY

1. My Polish thumb ring
2. The ring Matt gave me
3. Toe ring (even when I don't have sandals on)
4. A big purse that I live out of
5. Smokes (ya ya, I'm still tryin' to quit.)
6. Tank top (I wear one under every shirt.)
7. Uniform... ALMOST everyday.
8. .. that's it.

7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME
...(holy shit, how can I narrow this down to a mere 7?)

1. Hypocrisy!!!
2. Cockiness
3. Boaters (If you need me to explain exactly what I mean by this, and what kind of people I categorize, just ask. It's not meant to be racial.)
4. Hoods on hoodies or coats that are flipped inside out
5. Guys with nasty, unkept hands
6. Being poked repeatedly
7. Being woken up from sleep unexpectantly

6 PLACES I'VE VISITED

1. Windsor, baby!
2. Poland
3. Sandusky, Ohio
4. Miami, Fl
5. San Diego, CA
6. Las Vegas, NV

5 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Publish a successful selling novel.
2. Raise a family.
3. Go on an eco-vacation to rainforests in South America.
4. Sky dive.
5. Have my 15 min's of fame.

4 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF

1. Ghosts/spirits
2. Centipedes
3. Someone close to me dying
4. Not amounting to anything in the future

3 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY

1. Stress out
2. Think about Matt
3. Laugh

2 THINGS I'M TRYING NOT TO DO NOW

1. Fail my macroeconomics class.
2. Smoke.

1 PERSON I WANT TO SEE NOW

1. Come on, I'm surreeee you can guess this one.

*Thug Land*